Why I'd Make A Great Best Friend For A Sasquatch
If they ever had an essay contest called "Why I'd Be A Great Best Friend For A Sasquatch" and first prize was like a week or something with a sasquatch, man, I'm there. 'Cause I really think we'd hit it off and I could write down all the reasons why I'm positive we'd be best friends. I'd just rock at a contest like that. I just know I would.
For starters I'd tell the contest people about how I saw a sasquatch once when I was camping with my friends and I got out of the tent late at night to take a leak and there it was. Just running fast as hell across the campsite all hairy and these huge arms pumping crazy up and down. And here's the thing, I wasn't scared at all. I'm totally comfortable with sasquatches. It isn't even funny.
We drank a lot of beer that night and I was pretty groggy but I wasn't scared one tiny bit when I saw the sasquatch. I think we actually kinda shared a moment, 'cause I know that he saw me but he just kept on running. If I wouldn't have been composed as hell like I was, he would've just scooped me up and taken me back to his cave and eaten me probably. Or at least come over and sniffed me out or something.
Sasquatches can smell fear and he just wasn't smelling anything. They probably can also pick up on composure. I'm sure that had something to do with it.
So unlike all the other essay contest entrants, I'd have that going for me. I mean, how many people can say they've seen a sasquatch and didn't turn piss-in-the-pants scared when they did. I was just pissing normal and everything when I saw him. And we had that moment too.
